"oh great fire, oh great disaster!"

oh my god class was great today. i am still really sick, constantly almost puking, but i overcame that obstacle today to attend what will now be known as the return of what i love most about forte's classes.
it was a special day today because one of the oxford kids, and the head tutor and wadham (our sister school at oxford or whatever) are sitting in, as well as alex forte, joe's son! so we were all very surprised by this and very interested to see what he was like. anyways, today we talked about CHICAGO from 1871 to about 1880, i.e., adler/sullivan, the great fire of 1871, and why chicago is so important. this was especially exciting for me, because i just finished "the devil in the white city," so my mind has been constantly occupied by burnham/the white city/etc. unfortunately we mostly focused on the pre-Fair chicago school, and by that i mean sullivan, though i got the impression that he was always a little bit behind burnham/root, and was sort of a jerk. i mean he was eventually evicted from his own building, which is so unhappy. i asked justin, and he said that sullivan was artistically much more advanced than burnham. but in a city of commerce doesn't a love of the business count for more than anything!?
so we talked a lot about adler and Sullivan's schiller building.

it's important mainly because it's a clear visualization of the cultural temperature of chicago vs. the eastern seaboard: which is to say, whether commercial culture is a totalizing force, or not. and the idea is that the bottom part of the building housed a popular theatre, and on top of that, the arches that progress up the facade anchor modular office blocks, and the loggia at the very top houses a men's club. i.e., there is a vertical progression from communal to individual cultural practices. which leads into a comment on the psychological presence of 'the vertical' in chicago, whereas in NY it was much more about the block, the horizontal. of course an easy comparison to draw is the upward mobility of the immigrant classes in chicago - especially the germans. apparently, olmstead believed that the german immigrants displayed the most viable system for democratizing traditionally bourgeois cultural practices!!! he wrote a series of articles about this in the herald and i guess this is what ultimately lead to the beginning of the integration of parks into the urban fabric of american cities. i mean it was natural for the german immigrants to become a model of this assimilation of upper-class activities because the immigrants olmstead was talking about were politically and culturally literate since they immigrated because of the 1848 revolutions, as opposed to immigrants who came because of financial reasons.

so this is the stuff forte was talking about. and it was GREAT. i felt very proud of forte, and our class, and all the subject matter, for some reason. i got the feeling that maybe the brits didn't like the emotion and enthusiasm of the lecture. later at lunch justin said, that was why i hated oxford and why oxford hated me - if you're not lecturing in an old boy academic monotony they see it as illegitimate. and tasteless. and it was so fitting that today our subject was the breaking away of america from the tired, british colonial styles, and creating the first native american style!!! and that it helped america far surpass england in terms of architecture, and culture for that matter.

damn, i have to go to a pre-calc conference at four. my god that class gets worse and worse every day. i dont even answer his simplest questions anymore, because when i do, there's a good possibility that it will snowball into a waterfall of painful references to your confusion that have less and less to do with the original topic as they progress. in fact i think i may be in danger of loosing credit - i missed my third class before break because i overslept for once, and he emailed me like "JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE MISSING CONFERENCE TOMORROW DOES NOT GIVE YOU A REASON TO MISS CLASS TODAY." oh. it's my fourth class anyways. i began this course thinking it might be a chance to redeem myself, mathematically speaking, of all my failures - but now it's clear it's just a redux of every other math class i've ever taken. my professors are so sickened by my complete incompetence that they slowly become more and more uncomfortable with even addressing them, and therefore subvert their anger into chiding me about attendance.

my mom is coming out here on the ninth, and then on the 10th we're renting a car to go to ithaca! hah! there's a sentance i never thought i'd utter! i've been researching cornell a lot, and it seems i might choose it over columbia - it's less fashionable but has wayyy more of a soul. though i'm going to reserve judgement until after the open houses.

graduation is quickly approaching - today at lunch the subject was "what goes under your cap and gown?" as well as "what is the appropriate price range/fanciness range for senior/don dinner attire?" and of course, "does tao have private rooms?" for the much-anticipated full-family all-friend dinner that we are supposedly having. which of course is going to end up being 70 people. this discussion brought me back to thinking about when justin and i are going to go up and have drinks at the lever house - something forte said we must do when we graduate. i have the perfect dress for it now. justin also commented that his parents are giving him a blank check for a suit for his graduation present. luckily hunter had the newest issue of GQ which had a huge section on new suits. i personally think thom browne is the 'duh' choice, but then justin said something classic and simple - like brookes brothers. but thom browne is doing a new line for brookes brothers. which might be better anyways because t.b. is haaard to pull off. but at the same time, the era which he contacts is the same era, and epoch, which justin draws from in his academic life. it fits. so to speak! hah!

just as an endnote i would like to note just how attached i am to chicago right now, architecturally and musically. the last two minutes of "the tallest man, the broadest shoulders" informed much of forte's class for me today. i feel so connected to the whole thing - it's weird. justin says i'm not a midwesterner cuz i went to a waspy high school, but he's misinformed about shady side's beginnings - poor scottish and german immigrants, who almost instantly became steel tycoons (andrew carnegie) - began a tiny private school in the wilds of the Appalachians to educate their sons on how to become tycoons of industry - that's classically midwestern. anyways, this whole story is so gripping right now. maybe i see some kind of paradigm at work which i reticently believe is at work in my life too. forte talked a lot about the psychology of the prairie today. i think that might have a lot to do with it. "from the plains?"

the cops rush in. everyone's screaming

so, i got into columbia...uh oh! this makes the situation next yr infinitely more complex. more on this later.
for now, i want to post my pictures from my time in dallas last week, more specifically, my pictures of the site of norman foster and rem koolhaas' new buildings for the dallas center for performing arts. i posted on these buildings a few weeks ago, and my dad randomly got some tickets to the symphony from their provost the night before i left, so we went. the dallas symphony sits directly adjacent to the construction site, so i was able to run over there before the music started to take some pictures on the rapidly progressing projects!!! well actually, the foster was rapid, the koolhaas was hard to tell. i know they're laying the foundation for the parking garage, though.
this first picture is walking towards the symphony from the nasher sculpture center, where we went for this reception and dinner before the music. it's actually a very nice little promenade, though part of it is next to a parking lot. you can see a few of the 4-5 cranes on the site in the background.



moving towards the symphony, you can see that the construction site is wedged right up next to the building.



here's a picture, standing on the edge of the symphony's site, of the norman foster building coming up. you can tell by the distinctive (and when i say distinctive, i mean that in a slightly ironic way) spherical shape of what will become the theatre (which i included a picture of after this one, and which i think is a blatent rip off of henning larsen's copenhagen opera house).




here's a shot of how the foster project is placed right up against the symphony's side - it seems a little unruly to me, but then again, having them so close together might foster (so to speak) a sense of connectivity and shared experience between the two institutions.

during intermission, i snapped this picture of the foster site viewed from the interior of the symphony. at first, to me, they seemed weirdly placed in relationship to each other - but when i walked around to these windows, the relationship began to make more sense. it will be interesting to see if the foster dwarfs the symphony, especially when you think about the color and materials of the surrounding blocks - right now, it's a lot of sandstone, desert tones, and sea glass. the foster building purports to be so LOUD and laquerbox red.



honestly the foster building could end up being the most beautiful thing ever and i would still have it in for it. there's something snide about it. we'll see. in other news, my parents and annicka, and anne and jim, all went up to the ghost bar in the W (right in this same area) and said it was hilariously awesome.

i'm not sure i could turn columbia down, simply on the basis of how many guest lecturers they have - there's at least one lecture by a practicing architect every evening. i don't know what i'll do. maybe i'll make a decision simply on a financial basis. though they're pretty much neck and neck there, too. my mom is thinking about flying up to NY to drive me to ithaca for the open house on april 10 - that would be so good. i really hope she does. i miss my parents and annicka so much right now. ny just seems so dirty and mean. why hasn't ut austin written me back?

but what would frank lloyd wright say? oh, columbia!

while in the bahamas i cultivated a newfound awe for 'illinois.' leaving the dallas airport, i bought "the devil in the white city: murder, magic, and madness at the fair that changed america," by erik larson. it's about the world's columbian exposition of 1893 in chicago, which daniel burnham spearheaded the building of, along with people like mckim, hunt, olmstead, and for a short while root. even sullivan and adler did a building. anyways, it's about the fair, and how chicago won the competition to get it over new york, and how it built 'the white city,' within chicago, 'the black city,' and became this point of civic and national pride. as the book follows burnham, it also follows h.h.holmes, a serial killer so charming and handsome that he was able to build a city-block long 'castle' under the guise of a hotel called 'the world's fair hotel,' though the building was actually a killing machine full of sound-proof vaults, a furnace, and so on. so there's this dichotomy between arguably the greatest and most beautiful creation of american planning/architecture/commerce/invention and this evil for which no one could ever find a motive. and chicago becomes this central point for this kind of cyclone of beauty, progress, and evil. and of course the fair is also the focal point for the 'illinois' album -

"Oh great white city
I've got the adequate committee
Where have your walls gone?
I think about it now

Chicago, in fashion, the soft drinks, expansion
Oh Columbia!
From Paris, incentive, like Cream of Wheat invented,
The Ferris Wheel!"


it's all in reference to the fair - chicago surpassing new york, the new inventions of the fair (shredded wheat, aunt jemima), how ferris (a pittsburgher) got this amazing wonder of engineering built, and dedicated it to "all engineers of america," and the warfare between the committees of businessmen created to build the fair, and the intense anxiety of the directors and for that matter, the whole nation, of underselling the paris exposition attendance record (a record which they in fact broke by several hundred thousand people, on "chicago day!")

i could clearly go on and on about all this stuff, but at the heart of it is this amazement that this all happened, and the hugely influential impact it had on us and our country. and what's more, how no one remembers it now - no one knows about the architects, or engineers, or entrepreneurs at all! though for a hundred years after they were household names. one 19 year old advertiser who worked at the fair, sol bloome, even went on to help found the UN. everyone in america still has this reticent but profound connection to these events! and we don't even know it. walt disney's dad was a construction worker at the fair - and after hearing stories about 'the magic of the white city,' his son would try to recreate the enthusiasm. and that's just one example of the supreme influence of the fair on american culture. for burnham, millet, olmstead, ferris, and even mckim and all the eastern architects - it defined their lives. it was the single largest construction project in american history.

and so this book made me go back and re-interpret "illinois," in the context of the history of the fair. and so now of course it's 15 times better, though before it was still my favorite album ever.



anyways, we got back from the bahamas yesterday... it was sort of insane, but fun. i got some kind of food poisoning on the way home and so have been in bed all day since yesterday. the next month and a half looks a little bleak, since i have my thesis, the appeal to my housing probation, and the decision about grad school to make. also, there is a bug infestation in this slonim. it's disgusting beyong belief. i am so ready to get the fuck out of ny.

also, our presentations for victor are due tuesday...OOPS! we have to have our entire models done as well as a flythrough quicktime movie. i am really excited to make mine, i'm looking to OMA's recent louisville kentucky skyscraper video for inspiration. however, i have not even begun the final model so i really am a little worried. especially since i can't really get out of bed right now. i'm excited nonetheless!

are you ready?

bleeeeeech i feel like im about to puke. tomorrow (well, today now) they announce the watson fellowship recipiants. i'm completely freaked out, cant sleep, because if by some shot in hell it's me, then i have to put off grad school for a yr and go be alone for a yr. exactly what i dont want, which of course means it'll happen, right?
i applied for this thing just cuz i wanted to keep my option open, and it seemed like a good idea - but now that i've gotten into grad school what i really WANT to do is get started asap - on that road. i know it sounds insane, ungrateful, and probably shortsighted. but i can't deny that i really, really just want to start arch school next yr.
the final watson interview went HORRIBLY - the lady called my proposal "schizophrenic mumbojumbo" and "careerist," and said a bunch of other mean/crazy shit about me/it, so i'm hoping that means i've got no chance in hell. but on the other hand, maybe she was testing me? i thought the first interview went horribly too, and it turned out that they nominated me.

i've been so dang happy about cornell for the last week, and going to see the arch school at UT austin - i started making all these plans in my head for the fall. and now to think those plans might not happen - even because an opportunity that so many people would love to have - it makes me feel scared.
i must sound insane - and i know 10 yrs down the road when im working a 70 hr week for the fifth yr in a row i'll be kicking myself...but i dunno. i can't lie about how i feel right now. it's like, i've floated around, experimenting, absorbing, doing crazy stuff...now i'm ready to get to it, and learn. if by some stroke of bizarre fate i get this thing, would i be able to turn it down? legally, and emotionally?

UGH. and i ate tons of bread tonight so i feel so sick. i guess i have to get tested for celiac's after all. im dreading leaving on friday, and dreading finding out the circumstances under which i'll be leaving.
UGH i hate sounding so ungrateful. but hey, if i can't say it here, where can i say it??

if seeing is right, then look where you're at! andrew jackson, all i'm asking

This has been one of the best weeks. I just couldn’t think of anything better. I haven’t posted because SO much has happened, I keep thinking “I should write this down, I should post” but I can’t even get it down on paper. I wrote on Thursday:

On Wednesday, I was writing a post about henning Larsen and Schmidt hammer and lassen (which I’ll still post), and I was interrupted, because I got an email from cornell university, with the subject line only of “Graduate Architecture Application.” I was like, OH SHIT. This is bad. So I open it up, and it turns out they accepted me and gave me a scholarship. So I dunno. Maybe I’ll end up there.
It was just such a relief to hear from somewhere, and most importantly, get in. I never expected that. I stoop up and went “oh my god?” to no one in the lab, and ran upstairs to tell forte. Then I ran outside to call my mom, who was excited, but I felt bad cuz she’s having a really hard time getting this book she wrote ready for publishing, cuz apparently her editor is kind of not totally with it. But then forte came outside and showed me the rankings, which was nice of him.
This profound weight was lifted so quickly, I’ve felt nauseous for the last 10 hours or so. It’s like going into shock, really – to panic and completely freak out about something for literally almost a year...and then suddenly it’s okay. It’s the weirdest feeling. I went to dinner with Katie and hunter, amy julian, emma and chris too, and they were so cool about it – so nice. Everyone was so nice. I felt like I had just had a child or something.
So anyways here I am at LGA, ready to go home. Damn I can’t wait to see my parents and dallas. I just saw ivanka trump – at first I forgot who she was, and was trying to figure out how I knew her. Then I realized no, she’s just a celebrity.

So anyways, that day I flew home to dallas and I had a window seat, and manhattan was on my side – right at twilight. It was literally hard to believe I was looking at a city and not looking at a model of the city. Everything was gold, red and orange and yellow, and I could see where I worked in dumbo, I could see the atlantic ocean as well as the west side highway and jersey city and everything.
I got home, dad was waiting for me at dallas ft.worth airport. We walked outside and it was 75 degrees – what a relief. What a beautiful place to live. We drove home and talked about everything – dad and I have very good talks about the future and about ‘business’ stuff. Then mom and dad had waited to eat, and we drove to hunky’s but it was closed, and so was uncle julio’s, mia’s, and toy’s. so we came home and at some vegetables and stuff and talked. Mom and dad put one of my old paintings from highschool in a big frame and hung it in our living room, cuz they need more art for the house. theyre getting ready to put up more of our stuff i guess.

Then on Friday they went to work and I slept in and just watched tv and ate stuff, and then we went to toy’s for dinner, which is two blocks away from our house. I hadn’t been there yet, but it reminded me a lot of the thai place on my street in berlin that annicka and I loved so much. We had steamed mussels in coconut milk curry and then I had spicy flat noodles with chicken, and tsingtao beer. Then we drove to la duni, where we had dessert – la duni had the best desserts in the city, in my opinion. I had a limonata which in my personal opinion is the best drink EVER created (like 5 limes, 10 mint leaves, and crushed ice with fizzy water), and my parents had coffee, and we ordered a piece of venezuelan cake and the nutella cake (I forget their fancy names), which of course was my low-brow choice. But wow. Delish.
Then yesterday dad and I took a road trip to AUSTIN!!! (by SOM) I’d never been, and dad said that in the case that I get accepted, I won’t have chance to visit before I make a decision – so better safe than sorry. He really wanted to visit the LBJ library too, one of the main reasons we went is because mom needed to go sit in the callier center and just work on her book for the WHOLE DAY and do nothing else. So we got up at 8, hit the starbucks, dropped mom off, and hit the road. It’s a three hour drive to Austin, a straight shot south on 35E. dad drove, and I djed the music, and took pictures of the weird churches and houses on the side of the road:





We got there, parked, and man was it hot! Like 90 on march 11. we walked underneath the art museum’s awning, which I thought had great detailing:



And then down a beautiful street with huge old trees, and something called “water chilling station #2” whose windows were open – I could see water pouring down inside!






We found the student union, and then found out the school of architecture was next door, on gaudalupe street, which is sort of like state street in Madison (food, urbanoutfitters, etc). The architecture building was locked (spring break) but SO beautiful!!!






then we ate a pita at 'pita pit,' across the street, and dad and i bought matching longhorns shirts (hahaha). dad was gonna buy one of the ones where it's all the orange then just a white longhorn symbol, but he said it was "too much for him" as a nebraskan, to take. so he bought one with the opposite color scheme, like i did. dad wanted to see the state capitol, which is claimed to be the most beautiful state capitol in the country, which i actually could definitely understand. i saw this guy asleep in the back of a truck, it was like huck finn or something.



so we saw the house of reps. and senate meeting rooms, and everything was decorated in the texas star - star chandeliers, star door hingers, everything. did you know that the texas senate and house of reps. only meets every other year? it's the only state government that does that.







then dad wanted to go to the LBJ library and museum, so we went. it was in a building by SOM which from the outside looks so boring but the inside is awesome. lbj's papers are all archived in these red binders with gold seals on the spines, and the 7-story atrium has one wall of windows where you can see them.






there was also a replica of his oval office which was really cool. he had a special marble-topped coffe table built which had a built-in phone. so then it was almost five, time to drive home and get mom, but i asked dad to drive me back to guadalupe street so i could run in and buy these boots i saw. then a few hours later we were home, in dallas.



we went to the bread factory and i had a chicken and raspberry sandwhich, it was great. we sat outside. that night i finished "extremely loud and incredibly close," jonathan safran foer's newest book, which is about this 9 year-old kid, oskar, whose dad dies in 9/11. i expected to be kind of rolling my eyes at the whole thing, but i finished the entire book in 24 hours and cried an embarassing number of times. people say that he's given too much credit, but i think he deserves it. i thought a lot of the psychological symptoms i attribute to being just nuts generally started after 9/11, but i didn't think they were related. all that stuff - the night terrors, the intense fear of flying, the constant thinking about protecting people from harm, the obsession with death, with the media - they're shared by this character. and i never thought they would be verbalized in connection with people my age having this major psychologically transformative experience that year. i don't mean the whole "i knew someone near there, i'm a nyer" thing. i mean, everywhere people changed because of that event, no matter if they were in kansas or the financial district. obviously, it was unfathomably more tragic for the people directly involved - but what i'm saying is i think a culture of 'disclusion' has developed. where people who are from ny scorn those who claim to have been changed by it. i understand this impulse, but i also think they're forgetting to acknowledge that there is a shared national conciousness - across the whole country - that has nothing to do with immediate experience. it has more to do with the media than anything, it has to do with thinking about the country as a history, a story, and a kind of 'whole.' and with realizing that that narrative could be changed very quickly, and in a horrible way - people my age hadn't realized that yet. anyways, i have always been embarassed to say that i think it kind of really had a strong effect on me, for that reason, but this story made me feel a little more.. well i guess i simply comprehended my feelings to a greater extent. and this kid is brilliant - so smart, sweet, sort of insane - the book is very incredible. i haven't liked a book this much in a while.

so i woke up this morning and mom was taking a break from her book to take me shopping and get a pedicure, but then dad said, let's go to brunch. so we tried to go to the dream cafe, and mamitos, and parigis, but they were all suuuuch long waits. so we went to la madeline and sat outside. i had a chicken friand and a ceasar salad, and a raspberry lemonade. we talked about private school, new york, and my mom's cousins.
then mom and i headedy out to northpark mall, which. is. great. fashion week for dallas (wtf??) had just ended yesterday, so the tents were still up.

anyways, we had a very good time. i sensed mom was worrying about her book, though.



so we came home and ate dinner on the balcony:



where it was interesting to hear about pragmatic speech disorders and this center for brain health that just got built at utd. i also got their input on my marshall field project.
then i really started into "undaunted courage," about meriwether lewis, jefferson, and the lewis and clarke expedition. its very good, but i fall asleep every 5 pages, which is nice in a way. relaxing.
so now i'm sitting here and annicka is sending me great songs. but i am worried because she is worried about her finals and stuff..but she'll be home in a few days and will have forgotten all about it!!!
AND on the way down to austin dad played some johnny clegg - OH MY GOD! i knew all the words incredibly, from when i was a little kid! i hadn't heard it since i was probably seven. OH GOD i'm so into it now.

even as i left florida, far enough far enough wasn't far enough

as much as i constantly complain about maya class, i realized today how completely hilarious it is. i realized this as our entire class was crowded around one of the lab computers watching this cartoon of bill gates and steve jobs fighting (here). There's a scene where the Finder (as in the app in osx) is on stage rocking out. anyways we spent like half an hour going over the latest youtube crazes.
i'm going home to dallas on thursday. planning on spending the week at the pool at the verandah. i need to work on my base tan for the bahamas, which we leave for on the 17th. i'm flying from dallas to philly on the 16th, to hang out with amy and stay at her house, and then her mom and dad can drive us to newark the next morning. everyone else is driving or training down from ny. but i guess newark is closer to philly than to ny. amy and i are going to do a little rocky-inspired tour of philly...the art museum steps and everything.
anyways, it's supposed to be 75 the whole week in dallas. i also am gonna go see all the dallas performing arts center construction projects, so i'll post some pictures. and shop. it is disgusting that i am capable of missing a mall. but northpark isn't a mall. for gods sakes, they're opening up a public library there. it's like i'm being sucked into things i know are soulless...as if i'm part of a new mutant breed of consumer that attaches no moral significance to traditionally 'superficial' experiences. i just go on my immediate reaction, which is...wonder? security? the fact that this kind of stuff exists somewhere? that america is a reality and for the first time, tangible?
and i'm finally tired of feigning disgust at this stuff. it's part of my life, and it's part of everyone else's, whether they admit to it or not.
also, listen to the new modest mouse album. the song 'florida' is amazing. the guitarist from the smiths is now officially part of their band - HA! the lyrics are actually pretty much how i feel about florida too.
i feel this sadness when i think about driving through the country during summers, through pennsylvania, wisconsin, nebraska, colorado, nevada, texas. i miss oberlin ohio, eerie, osh kosh, amarillo - their transparency, their invisibility. everything good that happened there. it feels good.
this is what modest mouse does to me. it makes me think about this stuff. even more than every day life already does.

i think i want to drive out through the plains this summer...yeah

vashti and esther

Last night I had this dream that I was walking through the plains with someone else (I’m not sure who – Katie? Annicka? Justin?), and it was a blizzard – everything we saw was blue and grey. We walked for days and days trying to find something, but I’m not sure what. I got the feeling that we were looking for a home – a place to stay. As if something had happened where we had been and we were running from it now – but not something really bad, just something we couldn’t stay for. So we walked and walked over snow and then we came upon a suburban development – you could see the little blue windows from far above on a ridge. We came to one of these houses, and somehow we snuck into it. We realized someone was home – and panicked. Obviously we’d be arrested. But then when this person found us, they were happy to see us – they treated us like children. Then we knew that this was sufjan steven’s mom. I didn’t know if we had been looking for her out in the blizzard or if it was a coincidence, but she made us food and had us stay. She talked a lot about sufjan, like she had been there the whole time while he was growing up (though a lot of those songs are about how his mother abandoned him and his brother). But she talked about it like she had been there the whole time, and loved him more than anything.

Anyways it was the strangest, most vivid dream. In the dream I somehow knew that I was playing the part of one of the three kings of orient are – the snowy plain was like a desert, and we were traveling in the dark following small lights on the horizon. But then when we got there, we found this mother, who was talking about sufjan like he was gone away, or not born yet – I’m not sure. It was very weird.

It’s probably a symptom of three straight days of parties. Its been a long weekend. But a good one – Katie said today at brunch, “is this the beginning of the end of school? Drinking every night?” and yes, I guess it is. Which in turn sent me into a panic about my thesis, which I am currently in the library not writing. Anyways, Friday was so funny – we turned the top floor of DL into a party. Justin finally drank too and was a gem. We drifted from evan’s to justin’s to jarett’s to matt’s to jiddy’s back to justin’s, then to just the hallway between them all. There were so many people chanting SENIORS! SENIORS! Someone had a camcorder, I cant wait to see this indicting footage. There was this red lipstick floating around, and by the end of it all we were covered in it – gross. I had to go home, I was grossed out. But I had a great night.

Then Saturday was purim, this jewish holiday which is kind of like halloween. So analee and the slc hillel organized a “purim schpiel” in marshall field, and Justin amy and jarett all had parts, which was funny to watch. Also lots of holmentaschen, which justin’s mom sent from their family’s jewish bakery in Chicago. Then as analee said, it was time for “the real point of purim,” which apparently is simply alchohol. i saw some things that night i hope to see again soon. (i.e. mike levine wearing amy's bra, justin peeing sitting down).

This has been a great weekend, just kind of intense. I feel like I need to do some kind of detox – or at least sleep for a day or so. I guess it’s just that every night of the past three has been like…100%. And I’m sick, so it’s just been, exhausting. Luckily, my math homework is done.

antarctica

oh to be only either hungover or sick. not both. or is one a symptom of the other? the weirdest parts of my body hurt - ears, knees, hair. like piercing joint pain in my legs. and my boss is playing blonde redhead really loud. come on.
last night we went to the bar. it got awesome at the end. usually the bar seems kind of...i dont know. its an oppressive atmosphere sometimes. but last night it was very relaxed, very open. joe (the bartender) gave us tons of free drinks, and had jarett analee and i do these tequila shots. i think he just wanted to see us act like idiots. that's what i'd do if i were a bartender - which i probably will have to be soon enough. charis (i.e. a brit) was with us, and shes very good friends with joe so maybe that was part of it. but there were also a bunch of freshman at the bar - are they not carding anymore? whatevs, some of them were really kind of cool.
then around 3 or so it was time to go to eileen's, this little old irish diner in the irish part of yonkers. we were the only ones there, but there were like 45 of us. i ordered three scrambled eggs and two silver dollars but then when my plate arrived, there were like FIVE eggs and literally 12 pancakes. and i wont question the will of whoever was in the kitchen. last night they taught me a lesson.
im having a lot of fun with my new 'micromemo' ipod recorder. i am making joes class into a little podcast so everyone in our class can listen to it. i feel so dumb, saying 'podcast,' maybe i should revise that and say 'file.' but ive also found that taping conversations is way funner than i thought.
yesterday afternoon before dinner justin jiddy and i were smoking and talking about the future as we are wont to do, and i tried it out. the conversation turned into just justin and i talking about history and whether we can talk about it as the kind of narrative that modernism and arch history generally apply to it. in other words: the rome/usa debate. i couldnt believe it - it was something out of first yr. so interesting. justin and i get in these conversations where we kind of go deeper and deeper into these weird vocabularies whose meanings are oblique to the actual subjects being discussed. its like were talking in a secret language - sometimes you get lost too, but you try and get back on the same path as the other. ive never been able to do this with our other friends. i think it has to do with sharing a certain awe-struck-ness in 'the future.' or history, in this case the same thing. and its always about america, in some way or another. america and the future.
there were a few real gems.

: facebook is crazy..the things that are happening to our generation..i dont think we're prepared.
: the modernists, they were all making utopian dreams at our age. im just, we dont have anything. theres too many ideas, information. in 10 yrs everyone will be a business major.
: we lost 500 points so we can spend the next five yrs building it all back up, and then do it again (re: stock market)
: the fact that dubai exists means that our system is corrupt.
: im an optimist. ive taken poly science stuff, ive seen breakthroughs.
: nobody cares about the packaging at grocery stores - why our cereal cant be in bags. target doesnt have to be a daily activity. but it is for me, when im home in the suburbs. but as you come to this realization, that you dont need it, you find yourself consuming more and more.
: the moneys gonna dry up, there's going to be a global recession. why do we have to call it a panic?
: the katrina cottage was a shotgun house but didnt have the back door which is what validates the whole form. the cottages use a/c. its not a dignified way to live - it should have been a temporary, government solution.
: im suddenly into thinking again

the reason i have apocolypse dreams is the same reason i love this kind of shit. its like destructoporn. its all so cryptic. its related to an intense fear of death.

ive had this project in mind today. in that way you do sometimes, when you keep a place or image in the background of your mind as you go about conversations and so on - just sort of a reticent image that sticks around and that you associate with whatever conversation you had while it was there.
but today its the utrecht university library, which we saw last yr. "the anti-seattle public library," also by a dutch firm, wiel arets. i loved it. its very imposing but at the same time, sort of...empyreal? is that the word? it adheres to this kind of somber color coded classicism thats the direct opposite of oma's witticisms. sort of refreshingly stoic.


(images via googleimage)
a propos utrecht - this was a place i felt i could stay for a while. the netherlands to me is the most alien european country, but had the smartest and happiest design and public spaces.