auch helden haben schlechte tage

just woke up from bad dreams. i'd taken a tylenol pm around eight. laura ( my next door neighbor) moved out this afternoon, now some other girl moved in, while i was asleep. there's the sound of people and stuff, it makes me feel lonely. i miss when my room was the center for us, it was both freshman and sophmore yr.

i wish i could do something but complain. the thing is, i really just want us to be okay. this room, it's a wooden box that feels a million miles away from anything. i just hope it's not a preview of next yr. but actually being thousands of miles away from this would be better than being here and feeling as though you're a thousand miles away. at least you have tangible distance to blame. but why am i complaining? it's such a silly problem.

i have pre-calc tomorrow morning, which is okay. i kinda like being up at 9, and the people in my class are nice. it's mostly first and sophmore yr girls, plus elliot from joe' 'consuming architecture' and julian, the 24-yr old freshman from botswana, and this other guy who i think is an older first yr too. also, a bunch of continuing education/early childhood education people. jiddy and i were signed up for this ski trip to vermont on the 9th, and now jiddy can't go since her sister's thesis show is that weekend, so now i'm kind of confused. who am i gonna room with? who am i gonna hang out with at night? ride on the bus with? feels very middle school, all of these thoughts. in fact i've had this thought several times the last few days. just not sure how fun skiing alone for 2 days sounds.

im afraid of going back to sleep now, since the dream. i'm letting all this stuff be written down, i'm sure most of it sounds pretty dumb. but i'm not afraid, they're just thoughts. maybe i should eat an apple, it might help with the tylenol. one yr ago today i was about to get on a plane to berlin. i remember the plane was so old - it was dark and quiet, and no tvs in the seats or anything - like being on a movie set for a film set on a plane in the 1970s. colored with sort of muted navy, red, mustard yellow... it was hard to tell we were going anywhere. and in the same sense, it was hard to accept that in truth we were in a little metal cylander over the ocean. in the big tech-y planes i've always flown, it's easy to feel like you're going on some alien journey, not 35000 ft over the atlantic. this was like being in a bond movie, or a gibson book.