we share our mother's health

its so grey here...it looks like oxford, how i remember it last year. sarah lawrence is a bizarre place, especially now. there's no more drag queens or glitter or coming out dances.. so now it can't justify itself by being special.
yesterday night was weird, we drank beers in jarett's room and then had to go down to this party katie was co-hosting, but there was barely anyone there and the music sucked. i left before everyone else did, i couldn't take the awkwardness. there's something about an almost empty room and loud music that i can only take for 4-5 minutes... plus the obligatory sad guy on his phone outside. its too depressing.
i came home and went right to bed. it felt like 10 out, so my room was freezing. it was hard to go to sleep. i had a dream about something crazy which i now can't remember...it had to do with being in a 1960s prefab highrise utopia with streets and stuff, jetsons' style, and being in a class where the professor was a mix of house/forte/jarett.

1.00am
i just came home, because everyone was smoking a joint and for us, that means that in 30 minutes we'll be fighting. tonight we went out for mexican, i forgot my ID so when i ordered a beer at the bar i got embarassed. i think this drunk old scarsdalian who later spilled his margarita laughed at me. though i talked to jarett about next yr and he said that texas is big for actors right now? i guess his friend who had a 5-episode role on prisonbreak had been living in austin. it makes me feel better to think that everyone but me won't necessarily be living in manhattan next yr. justin and jarett have been trying to figure out how to tell amy that they can't live with her next yr - too much fighting i guess. even though this is negative it still makes me feel left out. but then when i consider the alternative - living in manhattan on minimum wage - i realize i would never do it. it makes no sense. why pay 800 dollars a month to live in some shithole and work like a dog to be able to, and have no fun because the weather sucks and everyone's a dick. plus, i'm sure we'd never get to see each other, so why not wait for a time when we can all afford to live right by each other and actually be able to enjoy it. maybe i'm an idiot, missing the phase of 'miserable post college apartment/job' with your friends, but the way things are going with us...it seems unlikely. walking to the car today, jarett said "it seems like all our friends are going seperate ways." it was such a sad moment. i felt like crying...everyone can say that except him. he's always acted oblivious to infighting, and just let it blow over. it was a kind of...deafening statement. katie spent the whole night in karis' room with evan, mattso, owen and owen's friend. really, the guy seems so self-important. everyone likes him because hes in lampoon. i think he's trying so hard to make up for his shortness/etc. that he's convinced everyone he's a nice/funny guy. he comes across as pretty vacant.
early today after brunch, justin amy and laura and i watched the prince of egypt, which was unexpectedly great. justin is obsessed with all things jewish since he returned from israel, and so that includes early dreamworks adaptations of exodus. jeff goldblum was aaron (aron? i dont know), classic.
tomorrow justin and i have plans to go into the city and see the josef hoffmann interiors show at die neue gallerie and then go to the new uniqlo, which is the first US store of "japan's GAP." 60dollar cashmere sweaters, blah blah...im excited though, i need to spend some cash. unfortch i dont have much left after that shitty mexican food tonight and my grad application fees and all the other shit i've bought. but nonetheless i'm excited.